I Not You


By Roh Hafez

The establishment of any relationship is unfortunately the first step towards conflict. No two people can communicate without stumbling onto a conflict subject every now and then, and in some cases, more often than is mutually desired. Conflict on its own is not troublesome. Rather, it is a natural occurrence. Communication during conflict is what we need to focus on in order to ensure that conflicts are resolved instead of exacerbated, which can negatively affect other aspects of the relationship. 

A great and simple approach, one that is embraced in family and couples therapy in order to achieve effective communication in general, specifically in times of conflict, is replacing the word you with the word I. When we begin our sentences with I, it automatically creates an expression that is embedded in self-responsibility and self-assertion. Sentences beginning with you, on the other hand, are perceived as blaming and challenging. 

Here’s an example of how we can use "I" language in our daily conversations with our partner or children: "I need to spend more time with you" rather than, "You’re never around." As simple as it may seem, the effect is profound. The I elicits empathy; it invites the other person to understand how we feel, what we need, and what we don’t accept as well. The blaming you, however, elicits defensiveness and anger. It invites the other person to counterattack, over-defend or completely deny what’s been stated. So, imbibe your emotional intelligence skills to be more selfless and optimistic.

Using "I" language can be equally effective, in terms of outcome, in the workplace. Communication using the assertive and precise I can mean less space for miscommunication, better teamwork as blame and anxiety are reduced, and a culture of self-responsibility and directedness. A great time to use "I" statements in the workplace is when we give feedback: "I need you to eliminate distractions in the future in order to achieve higher targets" can replace, "You’re always busy with something else. How do you expect to achieve your targets?" 

Communication is a process that you should begin with the end result in mind. It is important to have a clear idea of where you want to go. Your communication skills should be quite upbeat to tackle any situations. If it is cooperation, then "I" language is the way to go. Try it safely at home and smartly in the workplace and you will definitely experience a change in how others respond to you. Personal development, emotional intelligence and communication skills are very crucial to experience a positive transformation.

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Seven Leadership Roles


A leader – Jack of all trades and a master of all trades too. A leader should be able to perform all the tasks expected of their team. Thus, an effective leader plays several roles in order to get the best out of their team.

Here are a few important roles that every team leader or manager should be able to perform:

The Talent Scout: Every team has a diverse mix of people with a varied ensemble of skills. The leader should be able to identify latent abilities within the team and utilize it optimally
The Professor: Learning on the job is the most effective way of training staff. A leader who is able to teach effectively and patiently is likely to have a more receptive and dynamic team
The Lawyer: Knowing the intricate details of a company’s ideology allows a leader to navigate and negotiate both with clients and the team. A good negotiator ensures that no matter what the situation, the result is always WIN-WIN
The Sociologist: Since most companies today cater to a global audience and employ a diverse cultural team, it is important that the leader or manager is aware of cultural differences and sensitive to the requirements of the team
The Navigator: Knowing the path ahead in terms of strategy, ability and opportunities ensures that the leader is able to guide the team on a steady and sure path. This involves navigating the team through any unexpected complications and circumstances safely and successfully
The Abacus: Math is not for everyone, but a leader needs to be well versed in the basics of budgeting and finance so that they are able to assess the profitability of a project, the productivity of the team and most importantly the available resources for the team.
The Tightrope Walker: With most companies working long hours and chasing deadlines, it is important that a leader is able to help their team balance their work life and personal life. This is a crucial aspect of keeping a fresh and dynamic perspective on projects and problem solving at the work place.
By donning the necessary cap quickly and taking the required action, a leader can ensure that their team is motivated, cherished, thorough and receptive to whatever their work day may bring.

To help you identify these roles and learn to play them well, reach out to ABAMI Consultancy and Training, for Leadership and Development Training in UAE and get your career rolling!

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Are you getting the most out of each experience?

Myo – The Miraculous

It is everywhere if you feel with better senses. As Dan Milman’s Sensei, the fictional Socrates, says

“there is always something going on”.

I once witnessed my martial arts Sensei demonstrate a Karate Kata. I say witnessed, however I could not

see him, only hear his movement and his breathing. I felt the energy that was created through the

people in front of me, those that could see the demonstration. This for me was a Myo experience.

A good friend recently had dinner at Noir, the restaurant where your meal is served in a pitch black

room. Being deprived of the sense of sight changes the whole eating experience. His description of the

meal, wonderful. Another Myo moment.

“I had to feel my way”

“Rely on memories of taste and texture to try and identify what I was eating”

“I learned so much”.

Every action, every sight, every conversation has the potential for Myo. Apply Mushin, let it in. Use Iru,

dig deep into the experience, find the core and savior it.

by aaron depledge

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